I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
