did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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