We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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