i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
