were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
