Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
