dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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