i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
