When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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