when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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