omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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