I wish I could teleport
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
