i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
