I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
