I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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