On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
