I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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