i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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