I think I died a long time ago.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
