Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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