I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
