I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
