DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize