I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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