Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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