So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
