capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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