I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
