I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
