Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
