Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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