Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
