he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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