OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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