first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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