She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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