Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
