i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
