So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
