Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
