Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
