I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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