You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Randomize
