bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize