ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
