Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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