"it" just moved
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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