My sheets look like a crime scene.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
