I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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