"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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