omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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