Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
