Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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