If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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