His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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