Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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