Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
